At 2am last night, I awoke to the dark and before I could find the light, I found myself in the middle of my own concert. The song “I Found My Way” was playing loudly in my head and obsessive thoughts about the upcoming work week were flashing across my inner screen. When I finally saw the time, the added worry of potentially not being able to fall back asleep slipped in. Then the miracle happened. Somewhere between reheating my cup of tea and heading back to bed, “I let it all go.” I awoke in the morning rested.
“The root of all suffering is attachment.”
Buddha
Attachment takes endless forms. Whether it’s pining for our offer to be accepted by the seller, praying for the perfect family holiday dinner or needing our loved one or co-worker to act differently in order for us to be happy. Being attached to any outcome that we have little or no control over can lead to anxiety, insomnia and digestive issues when left unchecked. So how do we cope with our lack of control over it all?
Below are 3 ways to ante up your detachment skills and find more freedom amid the chaos.
Acknowledge It
Address the elephant in the room.
When we’re dealing with a strong attachment, we always need to begin by acknowledging and working with our feelings. These feelings are the glue that attachments stick to. The excitement we feel when we get an offer on our home. The anxiety we feel about making a much-needed change. The sense of hopelessness that can arise when it seems impossible that everything will work out.
Acknowledging feelings is an individual affair. For some physically writing it out and perhaps reading it to yourself or someone else can help us release our tight grip. Others use movement like exercise, dancing or even chopping wood to feel the experience and move through it. Yell at the top of your lungs if you need to. Beat your chest. Whatever it takes to truly feel what’s got ahold of you. Acknowledgement lessens and can release the power of the hold.
Plan & Let It Go
It is a misunderstanding to think that detachment is a passive exercise. It is a dance between taking an active role by focusing on our goals, executing a plan to manifest a desired outcome AND letting go of the outcome. Visualization can be an effective tool to practice this “both-and” mindset.
Let’s take visualization for a test drive.
Find a comfortable seat in a place without distraction.
Let yourself imagine a desired outcome of an experience.
Take the time to see in detail the experience manifesting with all the colors, sounds.
Then take a deep inhale.
On the exhale, imagine letting go of the outcome. Perhaps you see it floating down a river or evaporating like mist covering up a valley.
Why is letting is go important? Just look at the trees shedding their leaves. If they held on to that beauty they would never grow anew.
Practice Being Here Now
Most of us think we live in the here and now but researchers at Harvard University found “about 47% of waking hours are spent thinking about what isn’t going on.” That’s almost half of our waking hours!
I was anything but in the now when I woke distressed last night. The song was something I heard the other day (the past) and my week hadn’t even started yet (the future). The ritual of reheating my tea helped to bring me into the now. Practicing the now can seem very illusive. My advice….
Keep it simple.
The “M” word, meditation can seem impossible to most of us running around in our fast-paced society. Finding as little as 2-5 minutes each morning to sit and focus on your breathing can offer significant relief from expectations and outcomes. For those of us who are in constant motion a moving meditation where you focus on your steps is a great alternative to a seated practice.
Exercise, spending time in nature and listening to a friend or loved one all bring me into the now. Anything that invites us into the moment is potent detachment medicine.
As the year quickly rounds third base and the holidays approach, it can feel like an intense time. Regularly putting on our “detachment caps” by honing healthy practices doesn’t necessarily change the outward outcome of events but can dramatically alter our internal experience. Every time I look outside to see another autumn leave fall; I am reminded of the power of letting go to be born again. In time, our external experience reflects our internal reality.
We want to express our deep gratitude for having each of you in our lives. Thank your love, support and trust. You bring so much richness to our lives.
